Something I am hearing a lot of just now is... "not long now. Are you excited?"

Of course I am!

But... there is a lingering doubt. I passed my course but not the exam. In all honesty, I did not do as well as I should have, partly due to personal issues and partly because I didn't study as much as I should have. Speaking Japanese makes me so nervous, I can barely formulate sentences and... scary, foreign countries.

For years I have romanticised Japan. The beautiful, unusual Orient. I wonder how much I really know about life in Japan. There are so many acknowledged contradictions; modernity, tradition, cities, country, serious business, crazy television. But is that even a true representation? I know, I know I will see all of this soon. But I don't want to walk in blind. I want to have an idea of what to expect. But then I want to uncover Japan for myself.

Perhaps I am subconsciously contradicting myself to feel more at home when I arrive there.


And there's the logistics.

The boring stuff. Getting from Osaka to Kyoto, getting from the dorm to university. Booking flights. The weight limit for my luggage.

Is it stupid that I think about that? I'm moving out of my flat in Edinburgh currently and I couldn't even fit half of my clothes in my suitcase. Next year, I have to fit my basic needs, winter and summer clothes, shoes... into a suitcase. With a weight limit.

Japan has always been a dream. I am spending too much time remembering that dreams aren't always what they seem.